Never Alone

As my birthday went on, I realized I was surrounded by an overwhelming amount of love, support and well wishes from family and friends around the world.  Over 150 fb messages, countless texts, cute snap chats and Instagram posts, I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me slightly emotional but in a good way.

As a single, now 31 year old man, it is very easy to feel lonely and alone at night. No one to share your daily activities with, no one to eat dinner with or lay around quietly watching tv. Naturally you also miss the idea of the passion two people in a relationship share and the intimacy however I think the idea of them just being there is the part that I miss most.

I am genuinely envious of my “taken” friends. They are so lucky to have someone to call their own, someone who smiles the minute they see them, someone who hugs them in a meaningful way and someone who would do anything to ensure their happiness. They get to have someone to share a life with and I thinks that the greatest feeling one can have.

Well last night, I didn’t feel alone. I couldn’t believe how many people reached out to me. And more than that, how many sincere heartwarming messages I received from my heated of friends. 

I got to spend my day laughing hysterically with my best friend Sarah! It’s almost pathetic how hard we laugh at each other’s comments and jokes. I don’t even think other people find us funny.  There’s no judgement with her, I am fully accepted,  flaws and all which is refreshing because I can just BE!

Or the phone call I got from Nick, the man I credit for bringing me back to life a few years ago when I was at my lowest. It was so nice to receive a phone call! It felt like 1999 again when people didn’t text or Facebook each other. There was a purity to that call, to that effort.

I got to shoot the shit with Mike and Chris and Teresa. Just play catch up and laugh at nonsense and talk about how bright the future looks. I also got to be toasted by my favorite restaurant staff which to be honest feels more like friends than anything else. Those bonds, those conversations, those moments are very real to me.

My friend Vincent made me cry! Even all the way from Florida, that amazing soul manages to reach out to me and make me smile. He reminds me how grand a person can become. Then there’s my athletes Matt, Sydney, and Emily who expressed my impact on their life for the world to see. It was so touching to read their words, to know that played a part I shaping those beautiful people. You too Kyle 😉

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget my fam jam! My amazing parents that have unconditional love and support and to whom I can do no wrong, even when I make life choices they can’t wrap their heads around. My sisters who don’t hide their feelings about lookin up to me despite being the youngest. My godmother who just connects with me deeper than most aunts can with their nephews and my grams who at 83(?) still sends me a card with money and kind words. I cry everytime I get one and smile everytime I look at her cookie jar. 

I can’t forget the best friend I’ve had my whole life! I don’t get to see her or speak to her nearly as much as I should but I always feel connected, you can’t shake what we have and seeing her message pop up reminds me of every amazing moment our childhood had. We will be like this till the day we die. She may not be blood but I sure feel like we are. I love you Nat.

And my soulmate Thiago, all the way in Brazil sent me a message that shook me to my core. Ever have someone you’ve known for so little time see right through you and just know you? It is a sensation beyond what can be expressed with words. Our bond is one that cannot be compared to anything else I know. His voice lifts me up no matter how low I am. His belief in me helps erase any doubts I may have for myself. And his genuine love reassures me that I will get everything I deserve in life. He made what was already a great day feel unbeatable. I think he is my guardian angel.

So I came home to my cats, no sexy man to light up when I opened the door, no one to kiss me goodnight but I certainly didn’t feel alone. I was wrapped head to toe in love… And well that is just fabulous!

Den XO

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