Feeling the love despite the sadness

Less than 48 hrs ago, I published my post on breaking up with Judas and the support has been overwhelming.

I spent yesterday receiving the most lovely messages from family and friends through texts, facebook inbox, snapchat and phone calls.

I was always told that true friends would be there if I needed them. I feel so blessed to see that they were all there even though I didn’t specifically reach out to them. That felt nice.

I am doing ok. The loneliness is palpable at times however luckily I’m a master at staying busy and I’m surrounded by some pretty rocking people this weekend. People who could care less about who I am or am not dating.

I do miss him, not the relationship which was clearly flawed, just him. I think he has the potential to change the world in so many ways but instead he will hide inside himself and never reach his full potential. That is a lifestyle that anyone who knows me knows I just can’t support.

It makes me sad that something so routine such as coming out has led to this disaster. That is the saddest part of everything I think. The fact that someone in 2014 has to lie and pick the “easy” route out of fear of what people will say if he just followed his heart.

I didn’t send the photo. I think she knows about it all and just doesn’t have the self esteem or confidence to actually deal with it. She would rather have the cheating gay boyfriend than no boyfriend at all. That’s her choice though, I’m glad it is no longer mine.

He was a lot of bad things but he also brought a calmness to my soul and that is what I need to work on finding for myself. I hope one day he realizes that this mistake cost him the most amazing person he could ever meet and he grows up enough not to do it again to someone else.

Thanks again for being there for me. For those messages, for not judging, and for making me laugh when I clearly just needed to stop crying.

You are all the best!

Love Den XO

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