The big but close move

I sold my house! I thought I would be more excited to write that. Let me try again… I SOLD my house! Nope same feeling.

I am moving less than 5 minutes into a sweet loft condo. I think condo living is where I am meant to be and I am truly in love with the building . What I thought was going to be a no brainer of a move is turning out to be a huge one. It’s not where I’m moving to but rather what memories I’m leaving behind. I didn’t realize parting ways with my house would be so challenging.

This move has opened up feelings and thoughts I didn’t even realize existed. The rooms and objects under this roof contain really powerful and meaningful memories for me.

Take for example the giant mirror in my dinning room. This was the mirror that Mr. Perfect and I bought for our big Toronto move. When I look at that mirror, I remember the happy times we had and all the great things that relationship taught me about life, love and myself. It’s not about lingering feelings or attraction, it’s just when I look at that mirror, I think of how far I’ve come and it gives me hope that I can once again find a meaningful love. It’s my way of holding onto the past and my first true love.

It breaks my heart that this mirror will be staying in this home when I leave. I think it belongs on that wall but I know that it will always belong with me. A symbol of the 5.5 years we shared happy to have one and other. Since we sadly hardly ever speak anymore, I feel like that mirror is all that’s left of us.

Then there’s my bedroom. This room and bed have only had one man of meaning in it: Judas. This room was where we would talk until 2 in the morning about random things. Where we would cuddle each other to sleep or where I would wake up to him sleeping peacefully. It is where I’d kiss him on the cheek and tell him breakfast was ready on Thursday or Sunday mornings. I still remember the times he would surprise me by using his set of keys to sneak into my house and crawl into bed with me just to cuddle away the morning. It was like our shelter, that place that nobody could touch us. I still at times roll over and reach out for that body.

My living room where we’d stay up watching movies together and he would always, always fall asleep while holding me. Even when he had chosen the movie, he couldn’t stay awake for it. He was just too comfortable there laying with me. I remember how he would come over and “flop” himself onto that couch haha like literally just hop over the back and fall to his side, face, back, whatever. It always made me laugh so hard. It was so weird…

Maybe it’s not the “stuff” I’m struggling to leave. I always planned on leaving in 5 years however at some point my brain started to think he would be moving with me. Maybe that’s why this transition seems so strange. It’s not moving on, it’s moving on while still on my own.

I can’t believe that someone else is now living there and building a whole new set of memories without any knowledge of my own.

I guess at the end of the day, mirrors, rooms and houses are just things. Leaving them doesn’t take away from the magic or good that came from them and it doesn’t remove the meaning or impact they had in your life.

Hold on tight to your memories however let go of your things. Life can become cluttered far too quickly if you don’t and who wants to date a hoarder?!

Den XO

This entry was posted in General. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s