How well do we know the people we date?

“I can’t bring a whore home to momma.” That was a line recently used on my friend GBP when breaking up with her boyfriend. After 9 months of exclusive dating, meeting the friends and mostly good times, a simple question in regards to noticeable changes in behaviour turned into an aggressive rant on my friend and her life before him. While listening to the 10+ page conversation, I began to wonder how well do we really know the people we sleep with?

I mean in GBP’s case, this side of her man had never been exposed. Although they had fought on occasion about random things, he had never reverted to calling her a “thirsty whore” who just goes from one man to another. It was like a bi-polar effect took over when she questioned his faith and commitment to the relationship. Was this there all along? Do we simply get too excited about new relationships to see the signs of the bad inside people?

She clearly didn’t deserve to be treated that way. GBP is sweet, honest and most of all innocent when it comes to gaining numbers on the partner scale.

I guess when it comes to relationships, you really only know as much as your partner will tell you about their past. You may choose to be completely up front however it doesn’t mean they will be. Some people do a great job of keeping the ghosts hidden.

How do you avoid this? Always use your friends as testers before becoming official. Your friends are impartial and they won’t be clouded by feelings. They can tell you what kind of vibe they get from the perspective partner. They look out for you and your best interest.

Also, listen to the rumours! There is always some truth to a rumour. Whether it’s about them having a bad attitude when under fire or about them currently being involved in a same sex relationship, there is a reason people are talking about it.
The whole thing may not be true but don’t trick yourself into thinking it’s all made up.

Maybe the better question is why do we choose to ignore the signs of trouble down the road? Are we just starving for attention, for companionship, for love?

Think twice before getting involved with someone and when red flags start to pop up, confront them! You don’t want to be the one standing there completely confused on what went wrong when he turns into a complete stranger in the end.

Den XO

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