Almost 2 months after our break up, I still have trouble seeing my ex without being filled with a variety of emotions. Rage, pain, disappointment, more rage, sadness and again more anger are among the common ones. Since not seeing him isn’t an option due to crossing career paths, we have been trying to figure out how we could make it work so that when we do see each other we can be civil, unemotional and maybe even one day supportive of one and another. We decided to both come up with ways to do this.
He suggested that we find time to actually hang out one on one and try to rebuild a friendship. When those words came out of his mouth, I nearly died of shock. I mean I know we both miss the friendship, comfort and support we brought into each others life however after everything he had put me through and the reactions I put him through, I was surprised he felt this option could work for us. My brain started spinning so quickly that I lost track of his part of the conversation while I thought of all the reason why it wouldn’t work. What was probably 10 seconds felt like 10 minutes.
Can you really be friends with an ex? I wish I could have answered yes however I felt it wouldn’t be fair to me. When two people openly admit that their feelings for each other are still above friendship, how can you just be friends? When he and I are together, our feelings are obvious for everyone around us. We received comments on it all the time before people knew we were together. It was an assumption everyone made based simply on how we look at each other, how we treat each other and the vibe we have together. It was just one of those natural connections. If those feeling aren’t gone, how do you maintain the balance without feeling the pain of no longer being together?
When I finally came to, I had some hard statements to make and questions to ask and his answers were going to play a big part in the decision I made. I asked him to tell me he no longer loved me as more than a friend. I asked him to tell me that he wanted no future as a couple and that he was done with me in that sense. He couldn’t do it… I asked him what he felt would continue to happen if we kept hanging out one on one with more than friendly feelings. Wouldn’t it just prolong this pain? Wouldn’t it just hold us both back from finding new relationships or in his case, progressing in his new relationship.
Wouldn’t it be unfair to her that he was putting himself in a position to keep feeling things with the man he couldn’t bring himself to say he didn’t love or want? I know I shouldn’t care about her or her feelings however I am really trying to live life thinking of the full reach of my choices and the affect they have on other peoples lives. Would I want the guy who likes me hanging out with the man he loves? Would I feel secure in that knowing that they had a history that continued after start of our relationship? The answer was no and therefor my answer to him was also no.
2 Years of my life was spent officially dating this man. A lot of history, a lot of laughs and a lot of good times came to end when this exploded. I felt trying to be friends right now was simply doomed to fail and could potentially eliminate a friendship in the future. After a break up you need time and space to exhale, collect yourself, mourn and move on. I don’t think you can get those things if you are still spending intimate time with a person who openly admits to still being in love with you.
Everyone has the right in their life to explore themselves and figure out their identity, sexuality and path. That being said, if their journey is hurting you than you need to steer clear from it!