Break Up Rules – stupid or survival?

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how to best move on from a break up. I mean they happen and they hurt like hell but do they really have to? How long are they allowed to? How can you really move on if you don’t have a plan guiding you through the hardest times? I decided I needed to make some rules in order to ensure I didn’t lose myself amidst the sadness and the disappointment. I need to make sure I am being selfish about my needs, my well being and my future.

Rule #1 – Unfriend him – It may seem petty but you need space when things crumble. It’s hard to do that when you continue to have full access to their life. Eliminate them from social media and from your phone. Don’t give yourself a chance to reach out to them because it won’t help you. It won’t help them.

Rule #2 – Get rid of any pictures where they look cute, and you look happy – The happiness that is in those pictures no longer exists and holding onto them or looking at them doesn’t help you, it simply hurts you. Yes you were happy… WERE! Don’t torture yourself by having access to feelings that no longer exist. I learned this from Sex and the City.

Rule #3 – Make a list of everything you didn’t like and why you deserve better – It ended for a reason. Chances are it wasn’t all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Make a list of 5 things you disliked in the relationship and the 5 reasons you deserve better. I’m not saying they weren’t a great person, or that they didn’t leave a lasting impact, but it’s important to remember the things you won’t miss because either it wasn’t the right person or perhaps the right time, if they were or it was, those items wouldn’t exist. You deserve someone who you makes you feel so great that you can’t make a bad list about them.

Rule #4 – Find an outlet – You need to stay busy! Having nothing to occupy your time will allow you too much time to think about what has happened or what your lost. Start a new hobby, an activity, something on your bucket list or start a blog :p Anything to keep you busy when loneliness starts to creep in. Make sure you reach out to your friends and surround yourself with them until you have the strength to stand on your own again, they are your support system.

Rule #5 (the most important) – Go out on a date – Even if you aren’t ready for a new relationship, go out with someone so that they can remind you that you still are a total catch and that all hope is not lost. Meet people, get some compliments, rack up a few more goodnight kisses and start to remember that you are a strong, confident and deserving individual. You deserve HOPE! 

Some of you might think this is silly but let me assure you that this is survival! Life is hard and you need help getting through it sometimes. Rules and boundaries create a path for the future and for your thoughts. Relationships and ex-boyfriends can become ghosts who haunt you for extended periods of time if you don’t give yourself proper clarity and space. And worst of all, if you don’t allow yourself a chance to move forward, grieve and refocus, you may wake up 10 years later still feeling hurt and unable to acknowledge any good that person brought into your life. Which is incredibly sad because you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to fall so hard and so deeply for someone who wasn’t going to bring something good to your life.

You are going to hurt. You are going to cry. You are also going to have to wake up tomorrow and keep living life. That means you need to survive…

DRJV

 

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