Doesn’t mean anything…

Well something very odd happened to me this evening. I had a complete meltdown in my local grocery store. I mean actual tears running down my face while walking through the produce section… You can laugh a little lol it’s ok, it is kinda funny!

This is odd cause I am quite the strong person normally, I don’t like to cry, I don’t like to be weak or expose that side of me. Also, to be perfectly honest, it is rare that I have something that I feel is worthy of tears in my life.

Doesn’t mean anything  – Alicia Keys

Why was I crying you ask? Well you see, 2 years ago I had a quarter life crisis and made some pretty radical changes to the life I was living. I left my boyfriend of 5.5 years and moved to a new city. I was lost. I didn’t know who I was, what I was looking for or where to even begin looking. I think it was due to too many changes at once. I had just quit the only sport I love, moved to a big city, accepted a new portfolio at work and began life as a fully independent adult. Way too much change in such a short time frame. BAM came the freak out.

Anyways, for 2 years I have thought about that man every single day! Even through 2 other failed relationships, he has always been in my brain. They probably failed due in part slightly to the fact that I am still not over him. I keep hoping he will show up at my door, I keep hoping he will forgive me and take me back. He is the only thing that makes me cry. The idea that I had it all and then threw it away.

For some reason that reality came crashing down today while I was grabbing celery and cucumbers. Flawless timing! You see I’ve had the best summer of my life! I am having the most fun trying new things and just getting out there to live life! But at the end of the day it doesn’t mean anything because he isn’t there with me. I don’t know, maybe the idea that I am supposed to end up with him is complete wishful thinking. Maybe I ruined it for good 2 years ago. I just know that I would give anything to go back and relive that day, but change the ending.

Anyways, I try not to dwell on the things I can’t take back. If you do that you might end up missing out on a lot of exciting things in life. Luckily I have an amazing memory and it allows me to remember the good times in many of my dreams.

I’ve also heard that it takes half the amount of time you spent with the person in order to fully get over them. If that is correct then I guess I only have 8 more months of torture to go.

Fingers crossed?!


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